Nothing Left To Do
by Amber6
Summary: Missing scene from Astral Monkey


  
iA.N - The song lyrics used are also mine  
  
Teaser - Missing scene from Astral Monkey/i  
  
  
  
bucenterNothing Left To Do/b/u/center  
  
centernatz333@aol.com/center  
  
Piper's tears overcame her as she drifted automatically up the ornate wooden staircase, each slippered foot finding the next stair with no brainpower needed. Her mind was so filled with other thoughts and grievances, and yet still she could feel her sisters' eyes on her back, their sad glances at one another, Phoebe's questioning gaze at Prue and the elder's whispered reply.   
  
"Not this time."  
  
Her feet took her to the bedroom door, the lump in her throat finally releasing the pent up tears from hours previous, hours of lying to police officers and avoiding Prue and Phoebe's concerned eyes and held out hands. She deserved no comforting, no release from the threshold of guilt Piper found herself in. The one time her doctor had needed her, and she had not only allowed him to go crazy but die before her very eyes. All because of her selfishness at getting sick in the first place. All because he was trying to find a cure to save thousands of sufferers. All because of her blood.  
  
icenterI need you now  
But I don't wanna cry  
I wanna leave this world right far behind  
I need your arms, around me tight  
I need to get this thing right off my mind/i/center  
  
Her blood, rich with the powers within her, pumping round her body. Pumping around his veins, it had been a bomb waiting to explode. Why couldn't she save him? Why couldn't They have allowed her that one wish? All day she had prayed, prayed to Them. iPlease, if we can just save his life, I'll never break another rule. I'll be the best witch you ever dealt with./i But her cries and silent pleas had brought no avail, in the danger of the moment, Prue had been forced to take the only option left. But still Piper blamed herself.   
  
She pushed the heavy wooden door shut behind her and sat on the edge of her bed, tucking her knees to her chest and allowing the silent tears of pain and guilt to flow freely down her cheeks. One man dead, all because of her. A lost brother, a departed friend, once a lifesaver to so many. Piper brought her hands to the side of her face and cradled her head, feeling her heart steadily beating the blood round her body, and hating herself and her destiny. Her blood, which had killed so many in the doctor's mad vengeance.   
  
Piper had given so much over the last twenty four hours. So tired, and yet she couldn't bring herself to sleep. There was still so much left unsaid. She wanted to thank Dr. Williams, for saving her life. Apologise, for ruining and losing his. Tell him the truth of her recovery. Hug him and thank him for all the lives he had saved, the families he had brought new joy and hope to. Hold the man who had struggled so hard to save her life, in the final seconds of his. And the tears came thicker and faster, harder and stronger.   
  
icenterI need to scream  
But no-one'll let me  
I need to let out this pain  
I need to feel your arms around me  
I need to let my tears rain/i/center  
  
  
Then finally a lifeline came.  
  
In the midst of blurred vision and blood pounding to her ears, the faint sound of her boyfriend's orbing came to Piper's ears. It broke through the grief and pain, piercing her conscious, and she knew he would be there for as long as she needed him.   
  
Leo sat down on the edge of the bed, and silently, feeling the pain emanating from her, wrapped his arms around Piper's frail, shaking form. The tears flowed over her hands, and she bundled her body closer to his, needing the protection his arms offered, needing the comfort he held within his form. Leo wrapped one arm around her quaking back, and held her elbows with the other, encircling her completely.   
  
He wanted to sob the tears she was weeping, feel the hurt she was drowning in, take away all the pain that crowded her head. He wanted to stop the hurting and crying, the pain emanating from her, the guilt she was collapsing under unnecessarily. He wanted to whisper to her, that it would be okay, that things would be all right. That it wasn't her fault and never had been, that fate had simply seen it's chance and snatched at the air.   
  
But instead he simply held her, wrapped his arms tighter around his girlfriend's form, trying to block out any more pain entering, trying to relay his strength to her. Leo rested his head atop Piper's and allowed her tears to fall, watching dark spots of navy appear on his midblue sweater. He permitted her every whimper and opened his arms wider as she tightened her grip on his sleeves and crawled further into his chest and torso.  
  
icenterPlease, let me cry now  
I've been strong for so so long  
I've been hurting since the dawn of time  
But I can't hurt no more/i/center  
  
  
She didn't need to be strong, she didn't need to put on a brave face, or smile and put a mask over look of pain. She'd been strong for too long, held on to the frayed edges of sanity and hope for hours on end.   
  
And through the hazy light of shimmering tears, her hand slipped into his and her first words shook his soul. In the blackness of sadness and turmoil, she had found the light in him and held on.  
  
"Thankyou."  
  
Leo responded in kind, by simply releasing her from his hold and tucking strands of Piper's hair, wet from tears, behind her delicate ears. Softly, he brought two fingers under Piper's chin, lifting her head so the red of her eyes matched his saddened pupils. His heart thundered in the pride he held for her.  
  
"I'm here. I'm right here. You don't have to be strong now Piper."  
  
She knew she didn't. She knew she didn't have to be someone she wasn't with Leo, or try to look on the bright side of things. At the end of the day he was there for her, to crawl into his arms, to laugh and smile or sob for hours on end. Her lifeline, to whatever held her to this earth. To love, to hope, to a glint of light in the never-ending sea of black. To allow her to cry, a luxury too few people had ever permitted.  
  
icenterThere's too much to grieve sometimes  
And it all seems to spin around in my head  
I need to scream, I need to fight  
I need to sob my heart out in your arms  
I need to fight the darkness to your light/i/center  
  
  
Four years old, her own mother's funeral. Taken out of the church as her tears fell, the opportunity to mourn a loss taken away. Not maliciously, not intentionally. But still disallowed. Her tears wiped dry, strong, reassuring words uttered. But not permitted to cry.  
  
Twenty four years old, her grandmother's death. Grief had overwhelmed her, but there were all the arrangements to be made, the hymns to be chosen. Even what kind of wood she wished the casket to be made of. Each decision left to her, the burden of making the right decision resting upon Piper's shoulders alone. And each distraction would keep her from bursting into tears, each fit of hysteria from Phoebe allowed Piper's mind to drift to her sister's grief and not her own. Her only tears, she had stopped herself. Not allowed to cry or grieve, halted by her own sense of conscious and guilt. Why should she get to cry? Why, when she had tried to make Phoebe stop doing do, should Piper herself be permitted the luxury of release?  
  
But now, Leo simply held her. Tightly, so Piper felt as protected as she needed, but loose enough to allow her to wipe the occasional tears tickling her nose or licking their way down Leo's neck. And he allowed her tears and permitted her utter grief, despair and helplessness. Because she deserved it, because she had been strong for so long. Because he was her lifeline, and in another time and place, she would be his, be it in this lifetime or another.   
  
icenterPlease, let me cry now  
I've been strong for so so long  
I've been hurting since the dawn of time  
But I can't hurt no more/i/center  
  
  
Because sometimes, when the whole world seems to turn on you, and light is to far away for the dark to be penetrated, there's nothing left to do but cry.   
  
Fin.  



End file.
